“Cut Me, Mick, Cut Me!” The One Where I Take the Third Writing Workshop Challenge and Work the Opening Sentence, not-poetry, fan-fiction by Stephen

Good evening Baristas, friends, and guests of the Go Dog Go Cafe! Have you heard? Tanya Cliff has been leading a fantastic Writing Workshop every Saturday and we would LOVE to have you participate.

Last week, Tanya discussed how to create an effective opening sentence by developing tension with a ‘but’ construction; like how good improv-ers use the ‘yes, but’ to create tension in a scene.  In a short story, the author does not have the benefit of two witty, trained actors on stage in front of a slightly tipsy audience, but has to use that opening line to establish characters, show conflict, and draw in the reader.

This week, I reworked my second draft opening sentence in response to Tanya’s challenge, “Create an opening sentence for your response that utilizes some form of but-construction. You don’t need the word “but,” but you do need to create tension.” Take a look at what I did with my sentences, do you think I was effective? 

“The eyeball was not supposed to be damaged but was, nonetheless, thus the rhetorical, how can a blind fighter ever win?” 

Into: 

“When the trainer cut the eye, the fighter’s eyeball was not supposed to be damaged, but was; now, how would the fighter win?”

For amusement, the original draft opening sentence: 

“The eyeball was damaged.”

The original can be found…

“Cut Me, Mick, Cut Me!” The One Where I Take the Next Step in the Writing Workshop and Cut 10% from a Measure Twice, Cut Once Scene from Rocky, not-poetry, fan-fiction by Stephen

The second revision can be found…

“Cut Me, Mick, Cut Me!” The One Where I Take the Second Writing Workshop Challenge and Cut 10% off a Measure Twice, Cut Once Scene from Rocky, not-poetry, fan-fiction by Stephen

Tomorrow we move on to the FINAL Week and it is time to show up with homework if you haven’t done so already!  I know I have found this exercise to be fun and very helpful, I hope you have too!

Now… go wash your hands before you scroll around… 

(C) 2020 Stephen Fuller

3 thoughts on ““Cut Me, Mick, Cut Me!” The One Where I Take the Third Writing Workshop Challenge and Work the Opening Sentence, not-poetry, fan-fiction by Stephen

  1. LOL

    You already had the “but” construction, but I loved the tossing of the “nonetheless” and “thus.” You don’t need them, and the opening is smoother without them. Also, your readers are smart (at least we should all assume they are). It was a great move to drop the “rhetorical” and just let the question stand. That gets to the idea of showing and not telling the reader.

    They are small changes, but they make a big difference in the reading.

    Awesome!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Pingback: WRITER’S WORKSHOP I, Week 4: A Celebration and My #1 Writing Tip | Go Dog Go Café

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