Good evening Baristas, friends, and guests of the Go Dog Go Cafe! Have you heard? Tanya Cliff has been leading a fantastic Writing Workshop every Saturday and we would LOVE to have you participate.

Last week, Tanya discussed how to create an effective opening sentence by developing tension with a ‘but’ construction; like how good improv-ers use the ‘yes, but’ to create tension in a scene.  In a short story, the author does not have the benefit of two witty, trained actors on stage in front of a slightly tipsy audience, but has to use that opening line to establish characters, show conflict, and draw in the reader.

This week, I reworked my second draft opening sentence in response to Tanya’s challenge, “Create an opening sentence for your response that utilizes some form of but-construction. You don’t need the word “but,” but you do need to create tension.” Take a look at what I did with my sentences, do you think I was effective? 

“The eyeball was not supposed to be damaged but was, nonetheless, thus the rhetorical, how can a blind fighter ever win?” 

Into: 

“When the trainer cut the eye, the fighter’s eyeball was not supposed to be damaged, but was; now, how would the fighter win?”

For amusement, the original draft opening sentence: 

“The eyeball was damaged.”

The original can be found…

“Cut Me, Mick, Cut Me!” The One Where I Take the Next Step in the Writing Workshop and Cut 10% from a Measure Twice, Cut Once Scene from Rocky, not-poetry, fan-fiction by Stephen

The second revision can be found…

“Cut Me, Mick, Cut Me!” The One Where I Take the Second Writing Workshop Challenge and Cut 10% off a Measure Twice, Cut Once Scene from Rocky, not-poetry, fan-fiction by Stephen

Tomorrow we move on to the FINAL Week and it is time to show up with homework if you haven’t done so already!  I know I have found this exercise to be fun and very helpful, I hope you have too!

Now… go wash your hands before you scroll around… 

(C) 2020 Stephen Fuller