Last week, Tanya discussed how to create an effective opening sentence by developing tension with a ‘but’ construction; like how good improv-ers use the ‘yes, but’ to create tension in a scene. In a short story, the author does not have the benefit of two witty, trained actors on stage in front of a slightly tipsy audience, but has to use that opening line to establish characters, show conflict, and draw in the reader.
This week, I reworked my second draft opening sentence in response to Tanya’s challenge, “Create an opening sentence for your response that utilizes some form of but-construction. You don’t need the word “but,” but you do need to create tension.” Take a look at what I did with my sentences, do you think I was effective?
“The eyeball was not supposed to be damaged but was, nonetheless, thus the rhetorical, how can a blind fighter ever win?”
“When the trainer cut the eye, the fighter’s eyeball was not supposed to be damaged, but was; now, how would the fighter win?”
For amusement, the original draft opening sentence:
“The eyeball was damaged.”
The original can be found…
The second revision can be found…
Tomorrow we move on to the FINAL Week and it is time to show up with homework if you haven’t done so already! I know I have found this exercise to be fun and very helpful, I hope you have too!
Now… go wash your hands before you scroll around…
(C) 2020 Stephen Fuller