Darlene’s Dilemma – Susan Shuman Guest Barista

 

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Her real name was Darlene, but the entire herd — including the brain-damaged shepherd — called her Baldie.

Sheep could be so very cruel, she thought, as she stood munching alone in the far corner of the meadow. Most people think sheep are timid,  fearful, and well, sheepish. Hah! Not this bunch of barbaric Bovidae.

Can I help it I inherited my parent’s crappy hair genes? Darlene lamented. Life is so unfair!

One evening she stayed up late to watch the remake of “The Shushing of the Sheep” on FarmFlix, and during the commercial break she found the answer to her dilemma: Spanish Sur-Gro!

If this stuff worked on people, it would probably work on sheep too, she concluded. Same thing only different…

So, Darlene ordered a case of the stuff. When the box finally arrived, she gnawed it open and set about eradicating her baldness. All the while anticipating how hot she would look with long, flowing, wooly tresses … the guys would find her absolutely irresistible!

And that is exactly the way it panned out. The ewes were extremely envious of Darlene and her new ‘do, as the rams stood slobbering and rhapsodizing over her beauty.

From then on, Darlene was known as the “Lady Godiva of Sheepdom.”

When shearing time rolled around, sure enough, Darlene was the star of the shear show, too. No matter how short her wooly locks were snipped, with just a shot of Spanish Sur-Gro, it all grew back the very next day.

There was however, a downside to Darlene’s new luscious locks: the shepherd began paying way too much attention to her. Way too much.

But that is a story for another day.

 


You can read more of Susan’s writing at The Abject Muse

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